I've grown so weary as a blog reader and sporadic blog writer. There really IS too much pretty out there. How can you not feel like the only one who doesn't have it all figured out? It has certainly contributed to my lack of posting, in that I feel that nothing I could say or show would mean anything in this world of beauty. Well, I couldn't resist at least being a part of this movement...and we'll see where my blogging habits go from there. Here we go.
- I always used to think that by this stage in my life, I'd be a working musician in an established indie rock band. I used to play guitar, sing, and write music all the time. I've hardly touched my guitar since getting married, because I'm terrified of practicing in front of my ridiculously cool (and far better at guitar) drummer of a husband. We celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary last week, and yet I still think of myself as a musician.
- I never grew out of that "Perceived Audience" thing the psychology textbooks talk about. I still think, when I go out, that people are looking at me and judging me at all times, for better or worse.
- I love sitcoms.
- I eat too much. And I drink too much. And I move too little. And I'm overweight. (Related: I'm a certified personal trainer with a degree in Kinesiology. Also a vegan, with a pretty firm grasp of nutrition and healthy eating. Basically, I have a bunch of shiny tools in a dusty toolbox.)
- I wasn't cut out to be a stay-at-home mother. I know its value, of course, and I love my children, OF COURSE. But being at home with them all day paralyzes me. I'm not good at it. And usually, I cut and run when I'm not good at something. It's definitely a daily struggle. (In case you're halfway through dialing Child Services, I never actually think about leaving my children! This is more about struggling with the fact that I have to find a way to do something I'm remarkably bad at.)
- On that note, I'm a chronic quitter. I remember a time when I could set my mind to something and see it through to completion, but those days are gone. I seem to have a skill for setting creative (sometimes ridiculous) goals for myself, and then a week or so in...blah.
- I'm totally scared to join a knitting group/take a knitting class. As a self-taught knitter who's been doing this for many years, I'm petrified at the thought of someone telling me I'm doing it all wrong (which really, I can't imagine anyone doing). This is also why I keep my knit-blogging vague, and shut people down when they tell me to sell my knitting.
- I'm in a lot of debt, thanks primarily to putting myself through college/university on minimum wage, part-time income. I feel daily guilt that my husband married into it, and that our entire marriage has consisted of payments, consolidations, slip-ups, and just trying to make it to payday.
- I'm a Christian. My faith has persisted through many episodes of doubt, but talking about it is so scary. To say that Christianity has been dragged through the mud is an understatement, and the culprits are...Christians. We were always taught that we would encounter persecution for our faith, but who knew that it would be at the hands of loud, hateful believers, tearing down the lives of people around them? I have a deep fear of being associated with FOX News, and that scary church that pickets funerals, and all the extremely hateful things that pop up in the media regularly, so I've been quite silent about my faith. But yeah. I believe in Zombie Jesus.
Well, now I've written these things out. The thought of actually making them public is pretty terrifying, but after the blogs I read this morning, I definitely will. I hope you'll consider joining in! At the very least, read a few posts as listed on Creature Comforts (she's trying to keep the list updated as new bloggers join the challenge).
As for my blog, who knows? Maybe this was the breath of fresh air I needed, or maybe this was my blogging swan song. Time will tell.
Love,
Jennifer
P.S. On the theme of transparency, I've never liked the whole blog nickname thing. So I'm changing that. I am Jennifer. Stretch, my husband, is Jonathan. The Little One is Simon. And the un-nicknamed little baby girl is Ruby. Phew! That's a silly load off. Hope to see you soon!
P.P.S. Ruby turned one last month!
